I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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