I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
