jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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