I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
