WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
