I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
