Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
