wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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