i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
