I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish you could order shots online.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
