I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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