White coat. Heels.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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