I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
