last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm too high and old for this...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
