Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
