i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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