ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
