just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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