we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
