I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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