She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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