she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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