I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
