i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
