im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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