Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
