Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
