Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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