I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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