Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
