I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
