for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Send help, water and tortillas.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
