I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
