normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
