john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
