Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
