Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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