i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
