I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
