his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I've blown a few things in my day
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
