Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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