I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
