Your mouth is God's brothel.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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