she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
