Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
