Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
