On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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