He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
