put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
