That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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