I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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