my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
