Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
