I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
