i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
