Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
