So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
