I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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