my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
