well you can't waste a boner
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize