I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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