ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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