I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
